My father died the Sunday before Father’s Day in 2012. Father’s Day that year was difficult, of course. But I was busy focusing on my mother and her difficulties. Then, Father’s Day last year was difficult, but I was still busy focusing on my mother and her difficulties.

My mother died in December, 2013. Though I am still dealing with the aftermath of her death, ongoing estate paperwork, and other situations, this Father’s Day has been much more difficult. Maybe it’s because I was never able to really grieve for my father after his death. After all, I was even more overwhelmed after his death with paperwork, phone calls, and texts while trying to still handle the “normal” paperwork and finances for my parents that I had been handling for several years.

I miss my dad. I’m afraid that much of him had disappeared before his death. He suffered with dementia, and that stole so much of his spirit. There were times he didn’t know my mother or where he was. There were so many things about the last two years of his life that bring tears to my eyes: the confusion and fear in his eyes, the physical deterioration from his brain not functioning well to give directions to his body, his inability to understand the frustration others expressed toward him.

Through the years when I was growing up (and even as an adult), my dad and I didn’t always agree on many things. But I always knew that he loved me. He gave me many good things–among them, a love for humor, a strong work ethic, a desire to live responsibly, a love for music, and love for God.

This year, the week leading up to Father’s Day has been more emotional and difficult than before. I wish I could hug him and tell him in person–I love you, Daddy…

Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?