A Living Nightmare

Father
Dementia
Mind disappearing faster
Anger at the loss
Unable to deal with the anger
Aggression
Violence
Confusion
Denial
Emotional anguish
Exhaustion beyond capacity
A living nightmare
 
Mother
Surgery
Fragile
Physical pain
Watching lover of 60 years transform and disappear
Devastation
Emotional anguish
Exhaustion beyond capacity
A living nightmare
 
Daughter
Loving both
Watching the agony
Emotional anguish
Protecting
Physical pain
Devastation
Exhaustion beyond capacity
A living nightmare
 
What to do?
Where to turn?
How to cope?
The living nightmare goes on and on and on. . .
 
–Dawn Cawthon Behrens
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About grandawn

I work as administrative support in the Oklahoma State University Art Dept. For the past few years, I have been responsible for finances, paperwork, and other decisions for my parents who lived in Texas. Working now to finalize everything after Father's death in 2012 and Mother's death in 2013. I also keep busy blogging, writing children's books, and occasionally shooting commercials. I live in Oklahoma, USA. I have three wonderful grandchildren. I am a teacher, writer, actor, singer. . . and whatever else I can manage.
This entry was posted in Aging & Changing, Family, Poems and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to A Living Nightmare

  1. Your description of your father here made me cry. I have seen it in relations (fortunately not my parents) and an so scared of it. Hugs and sympathy. Take time to stroke a cat, that also helps

  2. Jingle says:

    your creativity is amazing!
    😉

  3. colonialist says:

    I am so sorry to read about all you are going through. The fates seem most unfair in these instances. The gradual stripping away of what and who one is – this is something I dread.

  4. theonlycin says:

    I’m so sorry, I understand; I am in a similar situation with my mother in-law.
    Take care and be kind to yourself at this very hard time grandawn.

  5. Paula says:

    Bless your heart. I have been where you arenow, and have a sense of how you feel – My father died of colon cancer in 1991, and my mother had at that time begun to exhibit signs of dementia/Alzheimer’s. When he died, it was enough of a mental kick to send her into decline rather rapidly, and she succumbed to AD in 2001 after a ten-year-long nightmare. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to witness and experience, and it changed me. I am sending something to you, at your e-mail address, a piece I wrote about some of my experiences with my beloved Mom. You are in my thoughts, and most especially my prayers as you walk “this lonesome valley.”

    • grandawn says:

      Thank you, Paula. I look forward to getting and reading the piece about your experiences. I am so thankful for friends (including my new blogging friends) who give caring and prayers.

  6. slpmartin says:

    So sorry to hear about what you are facing and feeling…they are what many today are dealing with as their parents age. It is difficult at such times to recall the many gifts they have given to us…but we should.. I think.. remember to celebrate their lives when ever possible. Peace be with you.

  7. nrhatch says:

    A few things to consider:

    Take time for yourself ~ meditate, read, write, put your feet up
    Pray for their release ~ when life is no longer fun, I no longer want to be here
    Accept what you cannot change ~ don’t frustrate yourself by saying “I wish . . . ”

    Peace

  8. adeeyoyo says:

    Life can be so cruel! I’m praying for you, Grandawn. I have 2 friends going through the dementia/alzheimers thing at present, one in SA and one in UK. God bless you.

    • grandawn says:

      Thank you, adeeyoyo! I know that there are others who are experiencing even worse catastrophes in their lives, but this has been so overwhelming. My faith in God and His ultimate plan are so important now.

  9. Lyndatjie says:

    Oh no Grandawn!! Old Age can be so cruel and heartless while it strips the dignity away piece by piece.
    I’m so sorry that you are going through all of this – all I can offer you is a humungous virtual hug all the way from Cape Town South Africa. My thoughts and prayers are with you in finding the strength to cope with this and the wisdom to deal with the reality facing you. Wish I could help! 😦

    • grandawn says:

      Thank you for the virtual hug, Lyndatjie!! Please continue the prayers. Strength and wisdom are things I really need right now. Many crucial decisions must be made.

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